Thursday, 19 July 2012


BERLIN, GERMANY - MAY 16:  German Chancellor A...
BERLIN, GERMANY - MAY 16: German Chancellor Angela Merkel sits in front of a flag of the European Union while visiting students at the Sophie Scholl school on the fifth European Union school project day on May 16, 2011 in Berlin, Germany. According to media reports Germany, the European Union and the International Monetary Fund are prepared to reschedule Greece's national debt in an effort to help the country stabilize its precarious financial situation. (Image credit: Getty Images via @daylife)
So tell me:  If Greece is so poor and owes all those billions of Euros to the European Union,  then why does she keep travelling?  I thought travelling was a luxury only for the rich.  Could it be that Greece is a 'Budget Traveller', then?  And another thing, if she has moved out of Europe (or was never here in the first place) then how come she still owes all that money (as aforementioned) to the German Chancellor Angela Merkel -- who is, in a manner of speaking, the European Bank? Ahhhh, that's her there on the right.  Do you think that's why she looks so stern?

Well, if you ask me, she has every right to be -- what with Greece just upping and offing whenever and to wherever she wants.  It's true you know. I saw it with my very own eyes.

Writing an article on Greece, I set off yesterday to do my research.  Along the way, I bought this book entitled Europe, written by good egg and brilliant Monty Pythonite, Michael Palin.  A peach of a bargain too, I tell you. A whole 4 quid off this hardback, from Borders.  Brilliant,  I says to me self, paid me dosh and took me book away.  But when I got home and started reading, there was not a Greece in sight.

According to Mr Palin, Europe included Turkey, Albania, Macedonia and Bulgaria, all of which, if my memory serves me well, are touchingly close to Greece.  Yet Greece herself, is totally omitted from this colourful  book.  So, I looked at the book jacket again, and there it was written in red, 'New Europe'.  Not just any old Europe you hear, but 'New Europe'.

So, I ask you -- is that suppose to make me happy, giggly and all forgiving of Mr Palin and the BBC; which must have at some time or other made a TV programme of this book? It must have done, because right down on the bottom on the right, is a tiny note on the jacket, proclaiming,"As seen on BBC".

Now they tell me!  Do they think that I would buy a book which was once a programme on telly?  Well come on, it's not as it it's some kinda 'Brideshead Revisited' or 'To Kill a Mocking Bird', now; is it?  There has to be exceptions to any rule.

Which reminds me; just where that note on the jacket of this book is, about it being a TV programme an all, is exactly where Greece would have been on a map, had she not just up and set off to somewheres else.  Rules, exceptions, ancient, old or New Europe;  I don't care what Mr Palin, the BBC or anyone else has to say, Greece is always in it. In Europe.  Innit? Either that, or my teachers and everyone else have been spinning me a yarn all these years.

I am a good sport, though.  I can take a laugh.  Therefore, even though  this book is supposed to be about Europe -- Er, New Europe, and Greece is nowhere about it, I shan't take it back and ask for a refund. Well, not just yet, anyway.

So, have pity on me, y'all, and do me a favour: If ever you happen to come across Greece somewhere  on your travels, pin her down for me. Whatever you do,  don't let her move one iota. Keep her in your sights. Chain her down if you have to; then give me a shout.

For one thing, wherever you happen to find Greece, it is going to be somewhere in Europe.  For another thing, she owes you, Chancellor Merkel and me, a whole heap a dough; which we lent her when she became stony broke.  Twice we lent her money!  Probably it is from all this moving about and not being able to decide if she is part of Asia, the Balkans, Europe, Africa, etc., why she became so skint in the first place. You know, hard up; brasick, flat broke, penurious,  stony broke, and on queer street; leaving the rest of Europe to bail her out.

Do you suppose that Greece might really just be in hiding, after all?

And one final thing, once we find her, I want to wave this book at Michael Palin and say to him: "Oi mush -- I want a refund for this. Here is Greece. She's hot. I mean, GREECE is DA word. She's cool, man. No. A mean hot. Well -- whatever. You know what a mean.

Anyway, she has always been right here in bleedin Europe.  For all I know, it might well have been you Monty Python lot who started a rumour about Greece not being in Europe an all that malarkey.  Then when you wrote this book -- this THING about Europe [I'll be really angry you see, and I'll be shaking with rage; Emoji!] you decided to leave poor Greece completely out of the picture. Off the map. Out on a limb.  Now tell me Mr Palin (I shall continue), what has Greece ever done to you?  Gimme back me money for your misappropriation of Greece, in this book of yours.

Ah say, gimme back  me mon...

You what?

#**# ...

Now listen here Mr Python ... I couldn't give a Flying Circus, about your ...

 Er, -- I meant fig, Mr Palin.

I'll start again, shall I?   Well as I was saying, I couldn't give a flying fig about anything you have to say, Mr Palin.

 [ He'll be running away by now.  I know the type.]  Come back here you so-an-so, (I shall challenge).

 OK then! (Told you I knew his type).

 Keep running then, you ruddy Tyke.  Typical bleedin Monty Python behaviour! What else can you expect, eh!" Emoji!!

ALL JOKING ASIDE, THOUGH, Greece or not -- Mr Palin's 'New Europe' is typically BRILLIANT.  Very well greased, I'd say! Emoji!!

And, if like Mr Palin and me, you happen to be a dromomaniac, you must not forget -- to remember, to reread his: 'Around The World In 80 Days'; before you dromomania off on your next voyage.  Emoji!!!
Cover of "New Europe"
Cover of New Europe

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